Champions League Corner Picks, best soccer bets, odds, predictions: Why PSG vs. Dortmund won't be low scoring

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In Greek mythology, Sisyphus was the king of Corinth, but he was punished by Zeus and forced to push a boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down when he neared the top. Sisyphus had to do this for eternity. Why? I don't totally remember.

Honestly, I haven't read up on Greek mythology lately, and even if I had, Zeus and the Greek gods were the original Real Housewives. Basically, they were a group of functional alcoholics getting mad at people for reasons they probably didn't fully understand, only instead of throwing a wine glass at them, they came up with sadistic punishments.

Anyway, the point is that Sisyphus had to push this boulder up the hill for eternity, knowing that it would roll back down and he'd have to do it again. I wonder if he began to root for the boulder at any point during this punishment.

I am rooting for the boulder. If you've followed Corner Picks this season, you know what a debacle my Champions League picks have been. I feel as if any pick I get correct was sheer luck, and now that there's no real hope of getting back on the positive side of the ledger, I'm taking pleasure in seeing how terrible of a record I can finish the year with.

As for how you should approach my picks knowing that, don't worry. I'm not changing anything about the approach. I've told you recently that fading my picks is the best option, and I stand by it.

Let's all root for the boulder together. If we enjoy the punishment, it's no longer a punishment, is it?

PSG vs. Borussia Dortmund

Date: Tuesday, May 7 | Time: 3 p.m. ET | Watch: Paramount+

The first leg of this semifinal went the same way a lot of my Champions League plays have gone this year. I took the Over 3.5 and watched these teams rack up 3.4 xG (expected goals) on 27 shots, but only score one goal. The goal came early, too, just to give me hope. While it was unfortunate for me, it was far more unfortunate for Dortmund.

Dortmund are the biggest surprise in the competition. A team struggling to win half its matches in the Bundesliga is a win away from the Champions League final, but it will be difficult to hold onto the 1-0 lead in Paris. I can't help but believe Dortmund needed a two-goal lead if it wanted a realistic chance to get through, but the price on PSG is too heavy. My gut is PSG score two goals early before Dortmund pull one back, only to see PSG finish it off late. So, yeah, I'm going to sprinkle a little on PSG to win 3-1 (+950), but the far more logical bet is on both teams to score. There were too many chances in the first match to think we'll see another clean sheet this week. The Pick: Both Teams to Score (-155)

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Real Madrid vs. Bayern Munich

Date: Wednesday, May 8 | Time: 3 p.m. ET | Watch: CBS/Paramount+

Bayern Munich blew it last week. As I wrote then, having their streak of 11-straight Bundesliga titles officially snapped took a weight off this team's shoulders. They were playing loose and free for the first time in months. When Leroy Sane fired an absolute laser to level it 1-1 in the 53rd minute last week, only to see Harry Kane coolly put home a penalty four minutes later to make it 2-1 Bayern, I thought this team might finish the evening in position to knock Real Madrid out.

Then Kim Min-Jae forgot which football he was playing and tackled Vinicius Jr. in the box, giving Real Madrid the penalty they used to tie the match in the 83rd minute. I'm sorry, but I've seen this movie too many times before. If you don't chop Real Madrid's head off when you can, they will take yours instead. The Pick: Real Madrid (-115)

The Slightly-Less-Desperate Parlay

Last week's parlay was a little insane as were trying to dig out of our hole. This week we're still going after a big score, but with a heavier dose of reality. It pays +604.